When Anxiety Gets Loud: Making Space for Yourself Through Box Breathing

Anxiety can feel like a pounding in our chest, racing thoughts we just can’t seem to quiet, or a sense of overwhelm that follows us throughout the day.

Sometimes, anxiety shows up every once in a while. Other times, it becomes a familiar presence in our everyday lives. Bills, work responsibilities, relationship challenges, and the endless demands of life can all contribute to the stress we carry.

When anxiety happens occasionally, we often brush it off. We tell ourselves we’ll deal with it later, that we’re fine, or that we simply have too much going on to stop and acknowledge how we feel.

But anxiety has a way of accumulating.

Imagine placing each stressful experience into a container. One difficult day goes in. An unexpected bill gets added. A challenging conversation at work finds its way inside. Before long, the container is overflowing, and what once felt manageable becomes a screaming toddler demanding our attention.

Sometimes, what feels like anxiety coming out of nowhere is actually the result of everything we’ve been carrying for a while.

A Little Reflection From My Own Life

Over the last several months, my spouse and I have been relocating to a new city nearly every month. While this season of life has been rewarding in so many ways, it has also come with its fair share of challenges.

Just as we begin settling into one place, it feels like it's already time to start thinking about the next move. Packing, unpacking, figuring out a new city, adjusting to unfamiliar surroundings, and being away from family and friends have all become part of our routine.

And while I am genuinely grateful for the experiences we've had, I would be lying if I said I haven't found myself feeling anxious about what comes next.

Sometimes, I catch myself worrying about the next month before I've even had the chance to enjoy the one I'm in.

Will the next move be stressful? Will I feel comfortable in the next city? How will I manage another month away from the familiarity of home?

It's interesting how easily our minds can become consumed by challenges that haven't even happened yet.

What I've been reminding myself lately is that I've already navigated so many of the things I once worried about.

Each month, I've packed, moved, adjusted, found my way around a new place, and managed the unexpected challenges along the way. And somehow, in the middle of it all, I've also made wonderful memories.

I am capable of doing difficult things, even when they feel uncomfortable.

But recognizing that doesn't mean the anxiety automatically disappears.

Sometimes, I still need to stop, acknowledge what I'm feeling, and remind myself that I don't have to figure out next month while I'm still living in this one.

And perhaps that's something you can relate to, too.

You Don't Have to Earn Self-Care

Life is busy. It asks a lot of us, and we often respond by putting ourselves last.

We tell ourselves we don't have time for self-care. We can't afford it. We have too much to do, too many responsibilities, and too many people depending on us.

But caring for yourself isn't something you have to earn. You deserve care simply because you are human.

Something I've been reflecting on throughout this season of life is how easy it can be to overlook our own needs when we're focused on simply getting through the next thing.

Even as a therapist, someone who regularly talks about emotional wellness and the importance of caring for ourselves, I sometimes catch myself doing exactly that.

I'll find myself thinking about everything I need to accomplish, everything that needs to be packed, or everything that might go wrong with the next move. Before I know it, I'm mentally living weeks ahead of where I actually am.

And that's when I try to remind myself to come back to the present.

Self-care doesn't always mean taking a vacation, booking a spa day, or setting aside an entire afternoon. Sometimes, it means giving yourself permission to pause for a few minutes, take a breath, and notice what is happening within you.

Managing anxiety can begin with small, intentional moments of reconnection.

Let's Start With One Simple Practice: Box Breathing

One of the tools I appreciate for those moments when my thoughts are moving faster than I'd like is box breathing.

Box breathing is a structured breathing exercise that can help you slow down, direct your attention to the present moment, and create a little space between yourself and the stress you're experiencing.

It doesn't solve the challenges ahead of us, and it certainly doesn't make the responsibilities on our calendars disappear. But it can offer a moment to reconnect with ourselves before deciding what needs our attention next.

The practice is simple, free, and can be done almost anywhere.

Here's how to get started:

Step 1: Find a comfortable position.

Sit comfortably, relax your shoulders, and allow your feet to rest on the floor if possible.

Step 2: Inhale for four seconds.

Breathe in gently through your nose for a count of four.

Step 3: Hold for four seconds.

Pause comfortably, without straining.

Step 4: Exhale for four seconds.

Slowly breathe out for a count of four.

Step 5: Hold again for four seconds.

Pause before beginning the next breath.

Repeat this pattern, allowing each side of the imaginary box to represent one part of your breath.

Start with one minute and gradually work toward three to five minutes if it feels comfortable for you.

You don't have to get it perfect. The goal isn't to force yourself to feel calm or eliminate every anxious thought. It's simply to give yourself a moment to slow down and reconnect with the present.

If holding your breath feels uncomfortable or increases your anxiety, skip the holds and breathe gently at a pace that feels natural. Stop if you feel dizzy or unwell.

Give Yourself Permission to Pause

One thing I love about box breathing is that it doesn't require special equipment, a particular location, or a significant investment of time.

You can practice it before a difficult conversation, during a break in your workday, or when you notice your thoughts beginning to spiral.

For me, sometimes that pause looks like taking a few intentional breaths when I catch myself worrying about our next move. Other times, it's reminding myself to look around, appreciate where I am, and recognize that I don't have to anticipate every possible challenge to be prepared for what comes next.

I've been learning that I can be grateful for the life I'm living and still acknowledge that parts of it feel overwhelming.

Both things can be true.

I can appreciate the opportunities we've been given while also missing the comfort of home. I can feel excited about what's ahead while still experiencing uncertainty. And I can trust my ability to navigate change without pretending that change is always easy.

Maybe for you, it isn't moving from city to city. Maybe it's a demanding job, a relationship transition, financial uncertainty, parenting, or simply the pressure of managing everything life asks of you.

Whatever your container is holding, I hope you can remember that you don't have to carry everything at once.

You don't have to wait until you're overwhelmed to take care of yourself. You can practice when you're feeling relatively good, too, as a way to build awareness of what helps you feel grounded.

And remember, breathing exercises are tools, not a cure-all. If anxiety is persistent, interfering with your daily life, or becoming difficult to manage on your own, working with a mental health professional can help you explore what you're experiencing and find strategies that work for you.

A Final Thought

If there's one thing this season of life has reminded me, it's that being capable doesn't mean we won't experience anxiety.

Sometimes, we know we're capable. We've done hard things before. We've made it through uncertainty, unexpected challenges, and moments when we weren't quite sure how everything would work out.

And yet, we still worry.

That's part of being human.

What matters isn't whether anxiety shows up, but how we learn to respond to ourselves when it does.

I've been trying to replace some of my what ifs with a gentler reminder:

I've navigated unfamiliar things before. I can trust myself to figure things out as they come. And I deserve to enjoy the life happening in front of me, not just prepare for the life that's coming next.

You spend so much of your life showing up for your responsibilities and the people you love. You deserve to show up for yourself, too.

Your reminder today: You don't have to wait until your container is overflowing to give yourself permission to pause.

Take a breath. Make a little room for yourself. Start where you are.

Educational Disclaimer: This article is intended for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized mental health care. The information provided does not establish a therapist-client relationship.

The Collective for Empowered Mental Wellness
Emotional Wellness · Trauma Recovery · Life Evolution